first_summers | Riverview >> Inbox

[He stopped walking, turning to look at her instead.]

You always do that, you know. Make it out like you deserve to get shat on by everyone in your life. I used to think it was hilarious. Now it just... well, it pisses me off.

[ That... isn't what she'd been expecting. It's been too long since she had him at her side, his influence has faded and it's gotten harder for her to remember the things he'd tried to show her about herself. She stares at him for a moment, her expression an unguarded display of trying and failing to be strong and let those words just wash over her. Instead, they settle in and unearth that top level of pain that aches more than all the rest. ]

If I don't deserve it, then why do people keep doing it?

[ It's a genuine question. Why? Why had the people she'd trusted most in the world turned against her? Why did everyone always leave her behind if it's not her fault? ]

Because people are idiots. Because you let them. Because it's going to take losing you for them to figure out what they're missing and how they've mucked it up. That's the thing with people, love. They always think people can do better. Can be better. They don't realize how hard it can be just to get out of bed in the morning when you've got nothing left.

[ But they had lost her. She'd been dead for months and when they'd gotten her back none of them had been able to comprehend how hard it was for her. They'd expected her to be the same old Buffy, for everything to go back to the way it was before. And then they'd chosen to shut her out, to cast her aside because they didn't need her anymore. When all she'd done was try-- ]

I don't want to talk about this.

[ It's more a quiet rush of air than actual words, breathed out as she turned and continued in the direction they'd been going, trying to put physical distance between herself and the subject. Because it hurts to be comforted. As much as she wants to have someone on her side, it kills her inside because she's not used to it. For so long, she's had to be the stone pillar at the center of her group, and now she's alone and cracked in the middle and it hurts for him to see that. ]

Hey, you started it.

[He took off after her, catching up and lengthening his strides to match her pace. He gestured when they were coming to a corner for her to turn right.]

Place is just down here.

[ She nods at the information, turning when needed, but she stays quiet for a little longer. Just a few moments, and then, quietly, she apologizes. Because he deserves it. ]

I'm sorry.

Don't be. I'm... I pry. It's what I do. Learn all your weaknesses. All theirs. I'm just not used to caring about them.

[He shrugged, still walking.]

Not used to talking to you about any of this. Kind of expecting to muck it up.

[ But he does care now. That's something. Pulling in a deep breath, she shakes her head and offers him a small smile. ]

It's okay. That's kind of what we both do. Mess up the good things in our lives because we don't expect them to last.

Seems like a rather shite way to live.

[He would know, after all. He'd been un-alive for long enough.]

It really is.

[ But it's a cycle they've both been trapped in for so long. She hopes they find their way out of it, but... things like that are never easy. ]

So why do we keep wind up doing the things that hurt us the most, eh?

[ She's quiet for a moment, contemplative, and then she shrugs. ]

I wish I knew. Maybe then we could fix it.

Can't have that. We might wind up actually being healthy or some nonsense.

[ He makes her laugh. Whether he intended to or not, it comes easily and she feels lighter for it, and a bit more settled. ]

No, we can't have that.

Of course not. Then you wouldn't be interested in vampires and I'd be... utterly boring.

You could never be boring, Spike. [ Is that a metric ton of affection in her voice? You bet it is. ]

Yes, I could. I was. Back when my heart actually beat. Boring little nancy boy who couldn't leave his mum and get on with his own life.

[ She's quiet for a moment, unable to refute his statements because she didn't know if they were true or not. ] Neither of us are the people we used to be.

Fair enough. You wear less sparkly stuff now. I haven't even seen one unicorn in your wardrobe selection.

[A small smirk as he looked up at the night sky, pretending like he hadn't said what he said.]

Ah, here we are.

[They'd arrived at the restaurant, and Spike moved to open the door for her.]

[ Pretend all you want, Spike, but she most certainly caught that unicorn slight. And she will make you pay for it later. ]

Thank you, Spike. [ She steps inside, honestly a bit surprised at the door holding. But boy, is it nice. When was the last time she got this sort of treatment? Other than a few awkward encounters here and there, it really has been quite a while. ]

[He'd been raised in that era, and it was harder to break a hundred years of habit than not, but he found himself less bothered by it when she smiled at him. He grinned, stepping in behind her and going up to the hostess, giving his name and waiting for her to check them in.]

Don't thank me yet. Night's just begun, after all. It could still turn to shit.

Riverview >> Inbox

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