first_summers | Riverview >> Inbox

Why not repair it. Seems all of you slept better with me on a leash.

[And oh, did that still rankle him.]

I didn't want to risk something going wrong again and not being able to fix it. And--

[ Her voice quieted and she looked down at the pavement, at her stylish heels that clicked when she walked and would not be at all conducive to running through graveyards. ]

I trusted you.

[The light turned green and it took him a minute to register that, looking over at her instead before he moved to start walking.]

I still don't get that. I mean, I got it when I couldn't hurt anyone, but when I could-- can?

[ She sees his feet start moving and continues on as well, quite for a little bit while they cross the street and carry on toward the restaurant. They're halfway down the next block before she manages to answer. ]

Honestly, you could give me a week and I still probably wouldn't be able to explain it. It just... is. I care about you. I trust you. Even now with you like this -- I believe in you.

I'm a monster, Buffy. I have been since I met Dru. Soul or not, I will always be a monster. It's what I am. It's what I have in me. Don't ever forget that.

And I have the watered down essence of a demon in me. What you are isn't always who you are.

[ There's a distinction there, even if it isn't always pronounced in some people. But it is in him. It can be, it has been. She's seen the good in him and that's enough for her to still believe in him. ]

You've got a what now? When did that happen?

[ Oh. Right. He hadn't been there for that. ]

That's how the made the First Slayer. They forced the essence of a demon into a girl and made her fight.

That it? All this talk about Slayers being the saviors of humanity, and you're all just a little bit demon?

[What a revelation. Monsters the world over would be interested to hear that -- if he'd been home. And of a mind to tell anyone.]

That why I can hit you? I mean, even with the chip.

[ It was a revelation for all of them, and it just made her angry. Still does. That a bunch of frightened men had put an innocent girl through that, thousands of innocent girls... It was abhorrent. ]

No, that didn't happen until after I-- died. And came back.

So... how's that work? You die and the essence of the demon finds a new Slayer host?

[Well? Now he was curious.]

I guess? They didn't really leave an instruction manual behind.

[ Well, they kind of did, if you count the creepy shadow puppet things that had sent her back. ]

Except there were a few of us at the same time, and then we changed the rules and made a whole bunch of Slayers, so... I don't know, it's magic.

[ Which is an explanation in itself, right? Right. ]

... Right. Magic.

[It did and it didn't, but that was the way of their world, wasn't it? Something so simple could be so complex, and vice versa.]

Sounds like they were a bunch of gits.

That's a nicer way of putting it than I would use.

[ Her tone is dark and her expression darker, her feelings on the men perfectly clear. If they were there in front of her right at that moment, she might actually reconsider her no killing humans policy. But after just a second she clears her throat and forces a smile. ]

Let's talk about something else?

Right. Of course. Ah... So, you... like where you're staying? See you got one of the private rooms. How'd you swing that?

Luck of the draw, I guess. I like it, though. I've been sharing space with a dozen people over the past few months and it's really nice to have even just a room to myself.

I got thrown in with a room full of humans. Had to leave, if only for my sanity.

[It was bad enough being soulless and a vampire, but not being able to take even a nibble when you were surrounded by strong heartbeats? That was just rude.]

[ She actually cringes in sympathy at that. ]

Yikes. That must have been rough.

It's not so bad now. Got a crypt all to myself and some things to put in it. It's good. Cozy, almost.

You always did like your crypts. Did you ever consider living in a house? Maybe an apartment with tempered glass like they had the hospital?

[ There has to be somewhere like that in the city, or somewhere they could make like that. But she has to wonder if the alternatives have ever even seemed like an option for him. ]

Sounds complicated. Then you've got to deal with rent and mortgages and stupid things that are the only things being dead's good for in that you can get out of them. Seemed like more trouble than it's worth when I've always been able to find a hole in the ground.

You lived with me for a while.

[ Whether she'd actually planned on telling him that is unknown even to Buffy herself, but there it was, kitten out of the bag for everyone to see. Hear. Whatever. She scrambles to correct what she's said, not wanting there to be any misinterpretations. Those tend to happen when she speaks, after all. ]

At my house. In the basement.

That so?

[There was a little heat in those words, a little anger creeping in as he pictured what that would have looked like for him. Pathetic little worm that he was, living in her basement just to be close to her.]

Must have been dreadful for you.

[ The look she gives him is full of confusion and it takes her a second to put together what he must be thinking. Whatever it is, it's not at all how it really was. ]

What? Spike, that's not-- It was after you for your soul. The First was messing with you and... you needed help.

So you kept me in the basement? Down there with all the rest of your junk, yeah?

[Angel was good enough for her bed. So was Riley. So why not him?]

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