first_summers | Riverview >> Inbox

Riley left years ago. He's married now. Happy. And things with Angel... They'll always be complicated. Not that things with you weren't.

At first... I don't know. I was trying to find a way to feel something again after being pulled out of Heaven, and being with you gave me that. But I was just using you because I hated myself. Then when you got your soul and I started dealing with my problems... You were the only one who understood me. You never turned against me the way the others did. You were always on my side.

Who turned against you? Not Nibblet? The Scoobies?

[It seemed so odd to him. Out of all that he liked to stir shit with them and turn them all up on their heads, they always stuck together. Better than he and any of his ever had. There'd been something there he'd envied. Loyalty. Love. That thing he'd always wanted and could never seem to catch for himself.]

Everyone. We were in the middle of the apocalypse and they decided they didn't like the decisions I was making. They put Faith in charge.

Dawn told me to leave. It was her house too and I couldn't stay there anymore.

[ Even typing it hurts, tears burning at her eyes from a pain that she's sure will be with her until the day she died. Again. ]

Faith?

[It all sounded so... wrong. Faith and Buffy's little sis turning her away? Not bloody likely.]

They trusted the skank who wouldn't die over you? Did they all lose their bloody minds? You're a lot of things, Slayer, but to pick that psychotic loose screw over you when it comes to a fight for end of days is grade a mental.

Faith isn't so bad now. She didn't ask for it, and she tried her best.

I made a call and girls got hurt. Potential Slayers I was supposed to keep safe. They were just scared.

[ Even now she defends them, while she wipes away those tears and is so incredibly grateful Spike isn't there to see her crying. She misses her friends, misses what they had once been. But they can't ever be that again. ]

Scared is no excuse. Be scared later. You've always had lousy taste, Goldilocks. Makes sense it's why you're here now.

[ She stares at the screen for a long time, trying to understand what he was saying. Was he... ]

What do you mean?

Men. Friends. Sometimes it was what was needed. I may be on the opposite side as you, but I'd still wager on you in any betting stance. They chose poorly. You feel too much, especially for a Slayer. Always alone. Always the Slayer. But you get cut deep. If they all turned their backs on you, makes sense why that portal-majig picked you up. You're lost.

[ He's not wrong, and even though it hurts, it's nice to see this side of him again. ]

I've only been lost since I lost you.

[Something inside him twisted so much that it was almost a physical pain. He let out a broken, choking laugh, happy if only because no one was here to hear it and question him. Life was cruel.]

See? Bad choices.

It was the best choice I've ever made for myself.

Keep that up and I'm going to blush.

I mean it, Spike. I'll never regret loving you.

And yet there you are, all by your lonesome.

Maybe one day I won't be.

That your way of asking for company?

[Angling for an invitation? Maybe...]

[ It hadn't been, but when opportunity knocks. ]

Do you want to come over, Spike?

[Did he? Would that be showing too much of his hand? Did he really care?]

You got anything to drink?

There might be something in the kitchen, but probably not. Pick something up on the way, I'll pay for it.

[ Because she wants to see him. Please. ]

[That dark side in his mind told him that this was too easy. That there was some shoe waiting to drop when he got there, but he still remembered that dream. Still remembered the taste of her on his tongue, and that's what prompted him to reply back:]

Be there in 20.

[ Twenty minutes is too long and yet nowhere near enough time. To make the passing of those seconds a little easier, she straightens up her room a little, not that there's actually much to straighten since she has yet to really personalize it. She brushes her hair, washes her face, pulls a white silk robe on over her blue tank top and pajama pants, and then... just waits.

Fifteen minutes. Ten. Seven. Too long for the way her stomach is twisting itself into knots. Far too long. ]

[He doesn't rush, but he doesn't take his time, stopping in to get something to drink. That's where he wastes the most time, actually. What does one bring over to drink at the Slayer's? Can't be too pricey, or she'll realize how much thought he put into it. Can't be pisswater either, otherwise it'll look like he's trying not to care too much.

He settles for a black label whiskey that he's gotten to like while being here, paying for it and heading over to the communal building with a look up at the sky. He's got hours until dawn, but it's still best to check and be sure. Wouldn't want to be trapped in the stairwell until nightfall. That'd make for a boring day.

Still, he shows up, nails with black-chipped paint on them that has him cursing silently to himself that he didn't take the time to redo them. Black trenchcoat, black boots, black jeans, black tshirt, broken up by the dark blue button up he had open underneath it. He'd been told it brought out his eyes.

... What did he care if it did?

... Why was he lying to himself? Taking a deep breath, he knocked quickly on the door, wondering if she'd open it with a stake or not.]

[ Honestly, Buffy wouldn't have given much thought at all to whatever alcohol Spike decided to bring. If it were expensive, she'd assume he chose that one because she offered to pay for it. Cheap would be explained by the fact that he's not the typical job type. No, she has other things on her mind while she waits, when she jumps at the knock on the door, when she takes her own deep breath and goes to open it, her hands very obviously empty. ]

Come on in, Spike.

[ There's a small smile there, her body language relaxed while her expression is just a bit nervous. She steps back from the door to let him in, hesitates just a moment, then gestures toward the kitchen. ]

I'll get some glasses.

[The invitation was still a surprise. Oh, sure, he'd been invited into the Scoobie den before, but there was always the 'And if you do anything, I'll kill you' comment that went along with it. Not that he'd been able to do anything. That had been why they'd allowed him in.

Still, he noticed the smile and the invitation, stepping in close to pass her by as he holds up the bottle.]

Hope you can stomach whiskey. I'm not much for girly wine.

[Of course, he could have gone for beer, something he knew they both drank, but... well. Shut up.]

[ It would have felt wrong not to invite Spike into her home, even if this one is nothing like the house she'd lost in Sunnydale. A simple apartment without much of her own touch, and shared living spaces at that, but... still. He's a part of her life and there's no getting around that. ]

Whiskey's fine. I might make a face. [ There's even another smile at that before she turns, somewhat awkwardly, to find two suitable glasses in the kitchen. There's not much to choose from there, but it's better than sharing swigs straight from the bottle -- like that day he wouldn't remember. ]

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