first_summers | Riverview >> Inbox

There are worse things.

[ She says it with a little shrug and slows as he does, looking around to admire the city at night. It still hits her sometimes, suddenly, that she's somewhere new. There are parts of her life here that feel just like her old one, and then others are so completely different. This isn't California, there's no hellmouth to protect, all she has to do here is be Buffy. It seems a bit like a miracle, really. ]

You know, sometimes it's hard for me to believe I'm actually here and all of this is real.

Yeah, I get that. It's a little... off for me too. A city that just draws people in. Knows about the unknown and adapts for it. You know, when I was in the hospital here, they had a whole floor with treated windows that wouldn't let the sun burn a vampire? How odd is that.

[ It is odd, but that's not the part she narrows in on, her brow furrowing as she frowns in concern. ]

Why were you in the hospital? Are you okay now?

Oh. Right.

[Whoops. He'd almost forgotten she didn't know.]

Ah, something went glitchy with the chip. Started misfiring and almost bloody killed me. So they removed it.

Oh.

[ The first thing she thinks about isn't worry that he's running around soulless without the chip to keep him from hurting anyone. No, that's the second thing. The first thing is the memory of when this happened before, when she had to watch him in pain and contacted the Initiative to get him help. When she chose to have the chip removed. ]

Dunno if it was from being brought here or that weird blip thing with the time glitch, but something mucked up.

[He took that singular 'oh' for disappointment, or her worry for the populace.]

Don't worry. I'm not out causing havoc, much as I might want to be. It does make accepting actual donors easier, though. No need for them to open a vein themselves.

I wasn't. Worried.

[ A pause, and then she sighed quietly, crossing her arms over her stomach. ]

Okay, I was, but just for a second. I-- The chip misfired before, a few months ago. For me, anyway. It got-- It was bad. I contacted Riley and they sent someone and... I chose to have it removed.

You chose?

[That had him frowning over at her, wondering at the choice of words.]

Didn't I get a say in it?

You were kind of out of it at the time.

[ He'd supported her decision afterward, but... what would he have chosen in the moment, if he'd been able? ]

It was either repair it or remove it. So I made the call.

Why not repair it. Seems all of you slept better with me on a leash.

[And oh, did that still rankle him.]

I didn't want to risk something going wrong again and not being able to fix it. And--

[ Her voice quieted and she looked down at the pavement, at her stylish heels that clicked when she walked and would not be at all conducive to running through graveyards. ]

I trusted you.

[The light turned green and it took him a minute to register that, looking over at her instead before he moved to start walking.]

I still don't get that. I mean, I got it when I couldn't hurt anyone, but when I could-- can?

[ She sees his feet start moving and continues on as well, quite for a little bit while they cross the street and carry on toward the restaurant. They're halfway down the next block before she manages to answer. ]

Honestly, you could give me a week and I still probably wouldn't be able to explain it. It just... is. I care about you. I trust you. Even now with you like this -- I believe in you.

I'm a monster, Buffy. I have been since I met Dru. Soul or not, I will always be a monster. It's what I am. It's what I have in me. Don't ever forget that.

And I have the watered down essence of a demon in me. What you are isn't always who you are.

[ There's a distinction there, even if it isn't always pronounced in some people. But it is in him. It can be, it has been. She's seen the good in him and that's enough for her to still believe in him. ]

You've got a what now? When did that happen?

[ Oh. Right. He hadn't been there for that. ]

That's how the made the First Slayer. They forced the essence of a demon into a girl and made her fight.

That it? All this talk about Slayers being the saviors of humanity, and you're all just a little bit demon?

[What a revelation. Monsters the world over would be interested to hear that -- if he'd been home. And of a mind to tell anyone.]

That why I can hit you? I mean, even with the chip.

[ It was a revelation for all of them, and it just made her angry. Still does. That a bunch of frightened men had put an innocent girl through that, thousands of innocent girls... It was abhorrent. ]

No, that didn't happen until after I-- died. And came back.

So... how's that work? You die and the essence of the demon finds a new Slayer host?

[Well? Now he was curious.]

I guess? They didn't really leave an instruction manual behind.

[ Well, they kind of did, if you count the creepy shadow puppet things that had sent her back. ]

Except there were a few of us at the same time, and then we changed the rules and made a whole bunch of Slayers, so... I don't know, it's magic.

[ Which is an explanation in itself, right? Right. ]

... Right. Magic.

[It did and it didn't, but that was the way of their world, wasn't it? Something so simple could be so complex, and vice versa.]

Sounds like they were a bunch of gits.

That's a nicer way of putting it than I would use.

[ Her tone is dark and her expression darker, her feelings on the men perfectly clear. If they were there in front of her right at that moment, she might actually reconsider her no killing humans policy. But after just a second she clears her throat and forces a smile. ]

Let's talk about something else?

Right. Of course. Ah... So, you... like where you're staying? See you got one of the private rooms. How'd you swing that?

Luck of the draw, I guess. I like it, though. I've been sharing space with a dozen people over the past few months and it's really nice to have even just a room to myself.

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