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[first_summers]

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[first_summers]

[ Seriously, Spike. She should have expected it, though. She knows him. ]

I try and fail to sleep. That's as fun as it gets, sorry to disappoint.

[idolpire]

I said fun. Insomnia isn't fun unless you've got a partner.


You alone in your private room?

[Not that it mattered to him. Not in the slightest. Not even a little.]

[first_summers]

Yes. And no, you're not invited.

[ She wishes he was there with her. ]

[idolpire]

[Bollocks. He'd forgotten about that. Did it count with communal housing? Maybe. It had with the college.

Bollocks.]

But what if some big bad comes along and tries to do you in while you're sleeping? Am I just supposed to pull up a chair and watch?

[first_summers]

Why would you do anything else?

[ Okay, so maybe she's messing with his head a little now. But if she is, it's just to try to figure out if he really does hate her or if he's... just not admitting other things yet. ]

[idolpire]

I wouldn't.

[Maybe he would. It was a difficult time for him, Buffy. Burgeoning realizations and... things. He was confused on a multitude of levels, and knowing the way she apparently felt for a future version of him didn't help.]

If I ask you something, you going to tell me the truth?

[first_summers]

[ There's another rather telling delay in her response, and she suddenly wishes she had a tall glass of something alcoholic. ]

I promise that I will.

[idolpire]

Why me? Or, the future me. I thought you were all gooey over Angel and your soldier boy.

[That was where the rub was. Why him? They hated each other. They'd both tried to kill each other numerous times. Her and Angel had never had that -- not when he wasn't Angelus. Neither had her and Riley. So why would she even give him the time of day when they'd hated each other?]

[first_summers]

Riley left years ago. He's married now. Happy. And things with Angel... They'll always be complicated. Not that things with you weren't.

At first... I don't know. I was trying to find a way to feel something again after being pulled out of Heaven, and being with you gave me that. But I was just using you because I hated myself. Then when you got your soul and I started dealing with my problems... You were the only one who understood me. You never turned against me the way the others did. You were always on my side.

[idolpire]

Who turned against you? Not Nibblet? The Scoobies?

[It seemed so odd to him. Out of all that he liked to stir shit with them and turn them all up on their heads, they always stuck together. Better than he and any of his ever had. There'd been something there he'd envied. Loyalty. Love. That thing he'd always wanted and could never seem to catch for himself.]

[first_summers]

Everyone. We were in the middle of the apocalypse and they decided they didn't like the decisions I was making. They put Faith in charge.


Dawn told me to leave. It was her house too and I couldn't stay there anymore.

[ Even typing it hurts, tears burning at her eyes from a pain that she's sure will be with her until the day she died. Again. ]

[idolpire]

Faith?

[It all sounded so... wrong. Faith and Buffy's little sis turning her away? Not bloody likely.]

They trusted the skank who wouldn't die over you? Did they all lose their bloody minds? You're a lot of things, Slayer, but to pick that psychotic loose screw over you when it comes to a fight for end of days is grade a mental.

[first_summers]

Faith isn't so bad now. She didn't ask for it, and she tried her best.

I made a call and girls got hurt. Potential Slayers I was supposed to keep safe. They were just scared.

[ Even now she defends them, while she wipes away those tears and is so incredibly grateful Spike isn't there to see her crying. She misses her friends, misses what they had once been. But they can't ever be that again. ]

[idolpire]

Scared is no excuse. Be scared later. You've always had lousy taste, Goldilocks. Makes sense it's why you're here now.

[first_summers]

[ She stares at the screen for a long time, trying to understand what he was saying. Was he... ]

What do you mean?

[idolpire]

Men. Friends. Sometimes it was what was needed. I may be on the opposite side as you, but I'd still wager on you in any betting stance. They chose poorly. You feel too much, especially for a Slayer. Always alone. Always the Slayer. But you get cut deep. If they all turned their backs on you, makes sense why that portal-majig picked you up. You're lost.

[first_summers]

[ He's not wrong, and even though it hurts, it's nice to see this side of him again. ]

I've only been lost since I lost you.

[idolpire]

[Something inside him twisted so much that it was almost a physical pain. He let out a broken, choking laugh, happy if only because no one was here to hear it and question him. Life was cruel.]

See? Bad choices.

[first_summers]

It was the best choice I've ever made for myself.

[idolpire]

Keep that up and I'm going to blush.

[first_summers]

I mean it, Spike. I'll never regret loving you.

[idolpire]

And yet there you are, all by your lonesome.

[first_summers]

Maybe one day I won't be.

[idolpire]

That your way of asking for company?

[Angling for an invitation? Maybe...]

[first_summers]

[ It hadn't been, but when opportunity knocks. ]

Do you want to come over, Spike?